Fantasy Mock Draft

This blog post kicks off a good, old fashioned, one man mock draft.  Mock Drafting is one of the most fun things you can do by yourself, especially when you’re alone on a Friday night.  Today I’m doing this round from a coffee shop called Frothy Monkey.  There are about 20 people around me diligently working at their laptops.  Looks like a 3-1 Mac to PC ratio, that kind of crowd.  I’m sure they’re working on petty financial projections and thesis papers, leaving the real work to men like me.  Time to batten down the hatches and get this one man mock draft underway.  This will be a standard performance league with PPR.  (4 points passing TDs, 6 points all others; 25 yards per passing point, 1o yards per rushing and receiving point).  My opinions are constantly changing at this point in the preseason, so this represents my first round as of June 4th, 2009.

For the team names I’ll be using some of my favorite fantasy football team names from FantasyTeamNames.net:

1.1. Adrian Peterson - All Day Peterson may not catch a single ball but he is still my pick to finish atop the final RB rankings list.  With Favre in the pocket he may actually face some reasonable front lines.  If he doesn’t break 2000 yards rushing this season he’ll do it soon.  I’m looking forward to jizzing my pants every time he jumps over some anonymous diving linebacker this season. Team Favre Dollare Footlong

1.2. MJD - I might go Turner in non-PPR, but Jones-Drew gets a nice gain from PPR leagues.  Even when Taylor was around, pretty much any time it mattered the team relied heavily on Maurice.  He’s proven he can be the feature back and that he is a beast in the Red Zone.  Fantasy owners will be treated to 2000 total yards and 15 TDs.  Crack open a Miller Jenuine Draft and enjoy the show. Team Bill Belichick’s Video Rentals

1.3. Michael Turner - Burner is another guy who isn’t going to light it up out of the backfield, but he scores more than Michael Jackson at the daycare center.  Atlanta’s offense looks scary-good on paper.  I like him here for great production and limited downside.  Team I Just Witten My Pants

1.4. Matt Forte - Did this guy ever leave the field last season?  The Bears now have a QB that can hit WRs from more than 15 yards away, so Forte’s production out of the backfield may drop off a bit.  That said, he should see more open running lanes and Red Zone opportunities.  He’ll be on the field nearly every play, which is a huge bonus for RBs these days.  Team 2 Inches Flacco, 4 Inches Huard

1.5. Stephen Jackson - SJax is perhaps the most assinine twitterer I have ever followed. Thanks @SJ39 for revealing little about on-field activities but always keeping me updated on what type of granola bar you are craving.  He should be tweeting “I’m going to have the ball in my hand like every play this season,” because that is what is shaking down in St. Louis.  Look for a highly productive and busy season from this super talented RB.  Team Yellow Polka Dot Mangini

1.6. LaDainian Tomlinson - This is the point in the draft where doubt settles in for me - this is the exact spot I don’t want to draft from.  I’d rather get a stud earlier or top WRs later.  If I do get stuck here, I’m going LT.  Don’t think he can’t get 1800 yards and 15 TDs if healthy this season.  Shit happens, and a lot of shit happened to LT last season.  I’m willing to roll the dice on LT for one or two more great seasons.  Team Travis Henry is My Dad

1.7. Brian Westbrook - He’s had more knee and leg problems than Britney Spears’ has had mental breakdowns, but he’s still a workhorse.  Andy Reid is going to run him into the ground, even with McCoy on the roster.  I remember a press conference after an Eagles game a couple of years ago where reporters drilled Reid about not spelling Westbrook, even though the star RB was injury and Reid claimed he would be rested.  Reid simply said “I forgot.”  Westbrook had been questionable all week and many thought he wouldn’t play, but he posted a huge game.  If Westy can hobble onto the field he’ll put up strong PPR numbers.  Team Feely My Breaston

1.8. Frank Gore - Like Jackson, Gore is going to have the ball A LOT.  If the SF QB can help him move the ball instead of hurt the team then this ranking is too low.  If “Carney-Hands” Alex Smith is announced the starter and you’ve already drafted Gore just drop him.  Team Mike Vick Rapes and Murders Animals

1.9. Chris Johnson - If taking old men like LT and Westbrook (both about 30) doesn’t appeal to you then Mr. Johnson should be your pick.  Fisher, Heimerdinger, and anyone else who watched the Divisional Playoffs last year know that there is no Titans offense without Johnson.  They are developing more ways to get him involved, so look for him to take even more carries away from Lendale this season.  He can score at least 10 TDs even without the goal line carries.  Team Romosexual Tendencies

1.10. DeAngelo Williams - Call me crazy, but I don’t think Carolina’s offense is good enough to maintain the torrid pace they had at the end of last season.  Mix in the talented and healthy Jonathan Stewart, who may take half the carries, and you’ve got some real risk here.  The upside is too good to go any lower than this, though.  Team Kyle Orton’s Neck Beard

1.11. Larry Fitzgerald - This is the point where I can’t let Fitz pass me by.  I considered Slaton and Jacobs here but they aren’t the locks that I’m looking for in the first round.  Fitgerald is, imo, the best player in the league.  He nearly willed Arizona to a SuperBowl victory.  The separation he gained on his famous TD catch was a thing of beauty.  Had he tackled James Harrison one yard earlier (after running 100) Zona might have won easily.  100 Catches, 1300 yards, and 13 TDs is a walk in the park for this guy.  Team Locker Room UnderPants Gnomes

1.12. Randy Moss - Brady to Moss is back, and don’t let it pass you by.  Look for 85 catches, 1200 yards, and 13 TDs, but remember that the upside is stinky ridiculous.  Moss is a first-round worthy beast in any scoring format.  Team Mendenhally Retarded

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